It rarely happens in my life that two people who I love are married to each other, unless it is someone in my family. So I consider myself extremely lucky to have as friends a wonderful couple who have been married to each other for 10 years. I will not mention their names here for many reasons although I am sure they wouldn’t mind for the most bit.
Adoption is a hugely sensitive issue in more ways than one. No one wants to think that they can’t have kids. No one (I know) wants other people to think that they are being ‘charitable’ by adopting a child. No one wants to surprise themselves and find that they can’t actually love their adopted child when she acts out or displays traits that neither of the parents think they have.
I have always wanted to adopt a child. I went as far as deciding I’d be a single mum putting the adoption process in motion before I married. I could never tell why it is that I wanted to adopt but I knew I did. Is that okay? I realised it is not. One needs to know exactly why they want to adopt. And unless the answer is clear, it would be the wrong thing to do.
I know people believe that one shouldn’t adopt as charity. I agree, but only if the prospective adoptive parent is going to treat the child like it should be grateful. But if a person is capable of love then I don’t see anything wrong with a person adopting because they want to give an unfortunate child a life of love and security. Adopting a child is a fantastic way of rehabilitating it, providing it with food, shelter, education, opportunities but most of all, love.
At last count, there we 12 million abandoned children in India and if reports are to be believed a horrific 90 per cent of this number was girls. And take a wild guess at how many adoptions happened last year. Go on. Less than 4000. Can anyone explain those two trends?
I am a relatively new mother, both my kids are under two years of age. And I’ve spoken to many, many mothers recently and almost all have said they were hoping to have a girl when they were pregnant. I have a few friends who have opted to adopt and have all ticked as their gender preference, girls. Maybe I am living in a pretty little well that’s urban India, maybe all these girls that are being abandoned are coming from rural areas. But can someone explain why this dichotomy exists? Why am I meeting women who actively want daughters and at the same time 90 per cent of all those kids abandoned are girls?
Have any of you been to an orphanage? I went before I was a mother. I don’t think I want to go back as one. I don’t think I can look at all those mad monkeys there and wonder how they’re smiling like diamonds even though they have no families to call their own. I don’t want to see little babies rocking themselves to sleep. I don’t want to see a baby cry and cry and cry and it be attended only when the poor overworked attendant can.
I am still considering adoption but I don’t know when. I need enough money first and then I need to know that my existing family and I will accept the new child as our own.